Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
