Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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