is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
