I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
