How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
40s are totally the cure
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
