Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
