i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
