I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
