he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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