Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
