I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
