Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
