glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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