i already hear my dad disowning me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
