he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
