she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
