If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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