this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
