ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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