Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
