i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i think i just lost a toe
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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