This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
