Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
