I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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