I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
