Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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