Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
