its not stalking. its research.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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