The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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