I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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