I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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