She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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