The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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