The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
