dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
