I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
