Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
