Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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