I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
