Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
