I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
