Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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