Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
