smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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