omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
