Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
