all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
