You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
