we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
