i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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