***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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