I smell stomach acid.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
