I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
