it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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