I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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