I accidentally burped into my bong.
zippers are such a cool invention
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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