Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
