theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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