saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We named our party play list daddy issues
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
