watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
