is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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