What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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